profiler

on my way home from dropping Lucas off at school this morning, i passed a car with Michigan tags on the way up the New Stock grade. the weather around here has been a little like Michigan for the past couple weeks, i mused, as i took stock of this vehicle. "vehicle," by the way, is what my co-worker, who is from Michigan, calls a car or truck. i've formed quite a few opinions of what Michigan people are like from daily contact with this one guy. i have a tendency to profile people in this way. "profiling" is a nice word for my prejudices.

the car was a mid-90's Mercury Sable, covered in road grime, with the plastic front bumper cover loose & flapping on the driver's side. the front hubcap was missing, and the rear was cracked. the left rear tire was low. immediately i've made some assumptions - this guy doesn't take care of his stuff. it follows that he probably doesn't take good care of himself.

as i pull alongside, i see that he's pretty drastically overweight, and he's got the full beard & mustache, but not because he hates shaving as much as i do - in this case, it's just slovenliness. the car is filled with crap. i don't really have time to analyze the piles of detritus, but the back seat is filled to the bottom of the windows with disorganized stuff, the front passenger seat with fast-food castoffs. i make a few more misinformed judgements about this slob. he's a typical blue-collar Michiganer. he probably used to be an auto worker (for Ford, considering the POS Sable), and he lost his job when the economy melted down. he probably should have lost it for being a lazy slob many years before, but he had a union contract.

so in the course of a few seconds on the highway, i've judged this poor bastard & found him lacking. as if i were God. i do that fairly often. my favorite targets are found on the highway, because i get to start with the license plate or the type of "vehicle," and build my derision from a gross generalization. my favorite targets have Florida plates. you are categorically an idiot and/or a douche-bag if you happen to find yourself in front of me with Florida plates on your car.

i've learned at this point in my life that the things i dislike most about other people are the things i detest the most in myself. this has been proven time and time again in my own hypocrisy. taking the above example, if i turn the mirror back upon myself, i can see that i am also driving a grimy Ford product. every surface behind my seat is covered with my child's detritus or my own random crap. i have no idea what my tire pressures are. i HATE shaving, and just recently took the time to shave my patchy beard-ish growth. i'm probably madder at that guy because he can actually grow a beard & not look ridiculous. i love me some nasty fast food - i'm just (so far) blessed with halfway decent metabolism. i am a lazy fuckin' slob, when i get right down to it. clutter makes my OCD act up, though, so i have to clean up from time to time, or go (even) crazy(er). seems i'm jealous of my friend's lack of compulsive disorders, as well.

the funny thing is, i'm always judging in my father's voice. even if i'm talking out loud to somebody who can't hear me (and doesn't even really care what it is i have to say), if i listen carefully, the timbre and diction are not mine - they are those of my cranky old father, who taught me by example. i spent the larger part of my formative years sitting shotgun in my dad's various automobiles, listening to his commentary on the other drivers, their bad habits, and their questionable lineage. thanks, dad.

the good news that comes out of this is that if something is learned behavior, it can be modified. i can change for the better. i can un-learn how to be so relentlessly judgemental. it starts by just catching myself in the act, and stopping it. flip the mirror back on myself. act my way into right thinking.